I used to sit and wonder what others thought about me, what their opinions were, and what they said. I have often wondered if they see, "the real me". Or... if their opinions of me were jaded.
Do they think I'm an adulterer?
Do they believe I'm a good mom?
Did they really think I would say some of those things?
Do they really think that I'm that kind of person?
Do they think I'm a bad nurse because of this situation I'm in? Are they questioning it too?
I used to stew on these things. I used to cry tears over these questions. My poor husband can tell you how much these questions and comments I would hear have bothered me. He can tell you because he has always been my rock when what others were saying, were stealing my joy.
Unfortunately, I think this happens to a lot of us, if we are honest. We naturally want others to like us, to think we are "good people", a "good Christian", etc. We don't want others to judge us based on what someone else says. We don't want to be branded with "not so nice" names that describe the Sins in our past.
And for the majority of my adult life....that has been ME! I have craved acceptance from others, wanted them to see past my sins and accept me.
It took my Nursing board chaos, a lawsuit, and a HUGE financial fiasco to change some of that. My divorce 7 years ago was a stepping stone to breaking free from it, but my world needed to be shook a little more.
When we are craving the applause, positive acceptance, and general likeness from others, it takes the focus off of whom we should be seeking our acceptance. Jesus Christ is the ONLY one who would and could, offer us the unconditional love and acceptance we all desire and crave. Our families and friends love and accept us, but if we hurt them deeply enough, that can change. But Jesus' love and acceptance never does!
To say that I still don't like the acceptance and love from others would be a lie, but it doesn't drive me anymore. When I am rejected or I feel alone, I know that I'm not. I am a child of God and no one can take that. He is my peace, my joy, my deliverer, my Saviour, my Hope, covers me with Grace, and fills my heart with love for others.
I'm not focused on whether they see the "real me" anymore. I am learning to be transparent, even when it hurts. I am learning that sharing some of the most painful moments in my life, may be exactly how God wants them to be used!!
At the end of this post, I want to share something special with you. My daughter, Ainsley gave her life to The Lord tonight. I couldn't be more proud of her and the sweet and loving lady she is becoming. She has a heart that wants to love others and make them feel accepted and this warms my heart! She has Jesus' heart for people and my prayer is that as her Mommy, I will encourage that and help it grow even more!
Grace. Peace. Joy.
Lori