Once in awhile you encounter someone who truly complements you. I don't like the word complete, because I learned a long time ago that only Jesus could fully complete me. But to have someone who complements you in every way, who is strong where you are weak, and who encourages you like no other, is once in a lifetime.

9 years of stress! Every single year has held some type of trial or struggle, yet everyone of them has the turned into something beautiful. So many situations that were sent our way that could have broke us and brought harm, God safely delivered us from each and every one and showed us His grace and His love.

9 years of growth! Our family has grown, our hearts have grown, but more importantly our faith has grown. Some of the situations we have faced brought temporary feelings of doubt, yet God was merciful and brought a deeper faith through it all. We have faced a lot of fire, but we have found His grace every time!

9 years of laughter! If you know my sweet husband, you will know he doesn't take himself too seriously. (One of his most attractive qualities). He is a prankster and is constantly picking on me and the kids. He seriously makes us laugh EVERYDAY!

9 years of comfort! No one has ever been able to comfort me, to wipe my tears, to hug me when it gets hard, or just to be my safe place, just like he does! His smile and hugs still make me melt and give me a beautiful peace! And he tells me I'm most beautiful in a t-shirt and no makeup, with crazy hair...

9 years of love! It's in the simple everyday gestures that never go unnoticed. Bringing me coffee(now a monster),cooking dinner almost nightly while I'm finishing school, washing the clothes, cleaning the house, buying me chocolate when I'm stressed.. It's truly a beautiful thing to feel loved in the everyday moments!

9 years of memories! We have 3 beautiful children, have made and enjoyed time with lots of new friends, have enjoyed all the simple moments with our family! We have moved to a beautiful place and love every minute. We are so blessed!


Love you forever....

Security:

1. freedom from danger, risk, etc.; safety.

2. freedom from care, anxiety, or doubt; well-founded confidence.

3. something that secures or makes safe; protection; defense.

It's been a little over 2 years ago when I first opened a certified letter....one that would re route my entire life, at least for the moment. This letter started a downward spiral of emotions, of financial despair, and of insecurity.

At a time when I was so full of joy, Halle was 2 weeks old at the time, I felt the bottom drop. I felt a huge weight land square on my back and I didn't know how long it would take to lift it.

You would have thought that certified letter was an obituary. A notice of death and defeat. And in some ways, it felt like it could be, but what I didn't know was that it was just the beginning of a painful journey.

In early March 2012, I received a certified letter delivered to my door, from the WV State Board of Nursing. It was to notify me of a complaint made against my nursing license, by our acting CNO at the time. And as shocked as I was, that a complaint in itself was being made, to see the words "negligence in nursing care", was even more shocking. I sat there trying to absorb it and trying to understand how this could happen. The sad thing is, I knew this was an attempt of my employer at the time, to somehow try and protect themselves.

In late November of 2011, I came on to a schedule shift on OB. Normally scheduled in the nursery, we made a call to let a newer nursery nurse work to gain skills and experience, since it was likely to be an easy shift for her. I would serve as backup if any critically ill newborns were born or for any questions. I was to work on our postpartum/gyn floor. We were busy this particular evening and with pending deliveries, we were given additional staff. We made assignments and myself and the Lpn gave our floating RN the 2 post op surgical patients on our floor. This would allow me to take care of a pregnant pt on our floor who was carrying twins and was contracting and it   would free us up to do mother/baby care and allow us to take new admissions. So, we start getting report on our assigned patients. In the middle of everyone's report, we receive a call from our nursing supervisor at the time, who pulled our floating RN and CNA to ER. So in the middle of our report, we scramble to split our 2 post op patients.

Our shift began as any other. We were very busy assessing our patients, answering call lights, answering phones and answering our door bell(which on this shift, I could have yanked from the wall and thrown out the window). We had several breastfeeding mothers, so we were also busy helping them nurse. Without giving details and specifics, the lpns surgical patient was rapidly declining and we did not know it. We had a poor shift change report and poor communication. Her patient had stable vital signs at the beginning of our shift, but she had been unstable just hours earlier(and I was unaware). Despite regular assessment(which was normal) and ongoing rounds, this pt rapidly declined and coded in the middle of our shift.

Long story short, she passed away 2 weeks later at an outlying hospital.

I can tell you that in all my years of nursing that I have had several patients die on my shift, but they are usually newborns, who were either born with a defect that wasn't compatible with life, or a very preterm infant. Nonetheless, those are always heartbreaking.

This wasn't any different. Anytime a patients status declines in your care, whether it be a newborn, a child or an adult, it is always devastating, even if there is nothing more you could have done. You spend the next few weeks to months replaying the whole shift in your head, trying to decide if there is anything you could do differently. You question your nursing ability, skill, and knowledge to the point that it can affect your confidence on every level.

And this is exactly what I had done ever since that shift. I had replayed and questioned and replayed and questioned.

It honestly drove me crazy. And I never came to one piece of evidence or information that would have changed how I handled this shift. They only thing I concluded is that a lack of communication and information was key in this situation and I couldn't have changed that.

So after hearing from friends and family, not to worry about the complaint, that they were sure it would be cleared. I decided then, that I shouldn't worry and placed it in Gods hands.....

September 2012-I receive a certified packet in the mail. This time it's not from the nursing board, but from a lawyers office. I am being sued by the patients family. I am named in a lawsuit with the hospital, the doctor, anesthesiologist, and I am the only nurse named. Needless to say, I am in shock and honestly speechless.

October 2012-This is the month we renew our RN licenses every year. Normally I do mine online, but since I had a pending complaint, I had to physically mail mine. So on Oct 15th I mail my renewal form. On Oct 29th I realize my license hasn't been renewed so I become concerned. (I'm not sure if anyone remembers what happened during this time, but there was a huge storm know as Storm Sandy, that wreaked havoc all up the East Coast.) I try to call the state board and they have closed early this day due to the storm. Oct 30th-still closed, Oct 31st-also known as the deadline. NO ONE will answer phones. They are too busy renewing licenses this day. So, I email someone at the board. Hoping they will answer promptly.

Nov2nd- I receive an email back stating the have never received my renewal form(note to self: ALWAYS mail things certified from now on). So I am told I will need to send in a reinstatement form(which I CAN do online), and pay 75 to reinstate. It will take up to 5 business days to process.

Nov 9th: License still isn't renewed. I call and speak with the discipline department. I am told on this day that my license will not be reinstated due to a pending complaint. She informs me that this is their policy. If anyone has ever had to deal with the nursing board, they are not know for their kindness. This particular lady was rude. I informed her that I wasn't even given due process, that I was being treated guilty before being proven innocent. And her only response was..."the patient did expire, didn't she?".

November 11th-Nurse Attorney retained.

November 12th-Oddly enough, my renewal form was returned in the mail to me....but the oddest thing of all was that it had been opened with a letter opener and then stapled and taped back shut. All contents were still in the envelope including my check.

December 10th-start my new job in the office with the same company so that I can keep my benefits.

February 16th 2013-after asking my attorney if there is any legal action I can take against the state board, my license is suddenly reinstated the next day.....

July 2013- able to return to nursing full time! You really appreciate something when it has been stripped away from you.

September 2013-Finally informed that no action will be taken against my license. The complaint will be dismissed. There is no better feeling than having something like that lifted off of your shoulders.

February 2014-I am dismissed from the families lawsuit and there can and will be no further action against me.

God turned all of this around in my favor and I couldn't be more grateful. I lost a lot in this process. My reputation as a nurse was tarnished, my family suffered great financial loss, we lost our house, a vehicle, and to be honest, friends. You find out who will stick by you and will be there for you in times of crisis. I realized I had a lot of "fair weather" friends.

But in the end, none of that matters, I am a child of the king who always carried me, even when I wanted to scream at him, I have a roof over my head, a husband who has been my rock through all of this, family who are always there, and my nursing license!!

There are so many things that can be stripped away from us, that we stand to lose and that steal our "security". I have always been one who has seeked security. Security in my relationships, financial security, job security, etc. But at the end of the day, all of it can be lost or stripped away. And then where do we find security? I have honestly found the only true security is my relationship with Jesus. He is always there, will never leave or betray me, will ALWAYS provide for my needs, and provides me the security of a much better place than this life.

Where do you place your trust? Where do you find hope? And what provides you with security? I urge you my friend to find a relationship with Jesus, if you don't already have one. I could have never found my way through this journey without him. He was my source of strength, provided the only true security, he guided my heart and decisions, and he eventually delivered me.

Peace.grace.joy

Lori

I'm striving to be more than just a "good Christian girl".

Years ago when I first started my journey and walk as a Christian, I didn't fully understand it. I knew I loved God and I wanted forgiveness. Confess, repent, and be baptized, and BAM, I was a Christian.

Scary and humbling all at the same time....

That God would take and accept me and all the dirt within, and then wash me completely clean? And allow me to walk hand in hand with Him?

And I think...what did I even have to offer at that point?

Nothing....Absolutely nothing! I had nothing to offer Him except my heart. So I gave him my heart or so I thought.

I started following all the rules I thought I was supposed to abide by. I went to church Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night. I served in children's ministry, served on the praise team and more. I tithed 10%, didn't cuss, didn't drink, didn't smoke, etc. etc. and was offended by those that did. Yet I had my own sins. I was easily entrapped by pride and gossip. I also developed a judgmental heart through all of my legalistic rule following. I was a sinner yet I judged others for theirs.

Fast forward....through trials, afflictions and soul searching, I found Jesus. I found a RELATIONSHIP.   I found a daily interaction of peace and fulfillment. I found the Jesus that calls us to love Him and love others. I found the Jesus that doesn't condemn me if I slip a cuss word or drink a glass of wine. I found the Jesus that wants to consume my heart so much that I don't have room for all the "rules".

You see, when we love Jesus and are earnestly seeking Him everyday, asking Him to fill all those nooks and crannies in our heart, asking Him to restore all the broken pieces, and we become so consumed with Him....we lose the desire for all the other stuff we thought were rules! We realize that there is true FREEDOM in Christ! Living in His peace, love and understanding is more than you could ever hope for.

And when you are living in a true relationship with Him, you start loving the people that the world sees as unloveable, you have compassion on the drug addict, the homeless, the afflicted, and the hurting. You start to LOVE like Jesus did. You begin to realize that He loves us ALL and the only way the world could begin to see that is through YOU!

I pray everyday that I can fill my daughters with an understanding of Jesus' love for them and help them to fully seek Him in this life. To let HIM fill their heart. I want them to become more than just a "good Christian girl". I want them to be defined as girls who are chasing after Jesus' own heart and women who choose to empower others to do the same.

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.””

Galatians 5:13-14 NIV

“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.”

1 Peter 3:8 NIV

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Romans 12:2 NIV

I believe it is safe to say ABC's show, The View, has upset nurses everywhere. Truth can always trump ignorance..

Nursing is....

In the moments that you provide life saving CPR to a newborn who isn't breathing and the whole room is silent.

In the unexpected moment you try to comfort the mother that comes in to have her baby, only to find out that the baby will be born stillborn and she will leave the hospital with empty arms.

In that moment that you have to tell a mother that you have done everything you can do, but her baby has died.

In the moments of rocking and trying to comfort the drug dependent newborn who is helpless and inconsolable.

In the moment that you hold the dying patients hand while singing to them because this patient told you how much they loved the hymn, "Amazing Grace"

In the moment of comforting the patient who has been diagnosed with cancer and has been told they will live less than 2 weeks.

In the moment of holding hands and praying with that family because they need someone praying for them as well.

In the moments of staying long after your shift has ended because you promised your patient you wouldn't let them suffer.

In the moments of caring for the drug or alcohol addicted patient who is less than pleased to be in the hospital, and taking it out on you.

I have seen life come into this world and I've seen it pass on. Comforting someone in their most vulnerable and terrifying moments is a talent. I believe it is a God given talent, to care for the sick, to show compassion to the drug addicted, and to care for those around us despite their religion, political affiliation, or sexual orientation.

You see, a nurse doesn't discriminate. We have a job to do, but we also care about people. Because we are ALL God's people. Nurses aren't in it for the fame, glory, prestige, or paycheck. They are in it because they truly care!

We are not just a nurse!

Peace, Grace, Joy,

Lori

It's everywhere these days, things we may not agree with. It seems everyone had an opinion about everything. Some issues are an opinion, while some are truths deeply rooted in God's commands.

While we may not agree with everything, when did our thoughts, opinions, and what we believe is right, supersede love.

As much as I believe we should stand up for biblical beliefs and truths, I also feel that our greatest testimony is how we love others. I believe Jesus showed us by example how to love others despite right and wrong. This was no more evident than at the last supper. He knew that Judas had betrayed him, he knew that Peter would deny him, yet he didn't focus on any of that. He chose to show love. He washed their feet.

"When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." (‭John‬ ‭13‬:‭12-17‬ NIV)

What makes this even more powerful is when you think about how dirty their feet were. Their feet were not like ours, covered by socks and shoes. They walked everywhere, wearing sandals or sometimes even barefoot, walking on dirt. Their feet were likely black and stinky! This is love...

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (‭John‬ ‭13‬:‭34-35‬ NIV)

"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you."

"This is my command: Love each other." (‭John‬ ‭15‬:‭11-12, 17‬ NIV)

But then, Jesus showed love in a way no one could ever imagine or understand. He sacrificed His life. He died a brutal and unimaginable death because He loved US!

"When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit."(‭John‬ ‭19‬:‭30‬ NIV)

He died for the murderer, the liar, the prostitute, the gossip, the idolist, the selfish, the alcoholic, the drug addict, the homosexual. He died for ALL of us.

He is available for everyone. It is between them and God what happens next. Our job is not to judge, but to love!

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭1-8, 13‬ NIV)

Love one another, above all!

Peace, Grace, Joy, (and love💖),

Lori

Sometimes in Nursing, you meet people and patients that will forever be in your heart. This baby was no different....

It's been 10 years since I first met Ainsley and Josh. Next week on June 23rd was the day she was born. It's so hard to believe sometimes that a baby we all cared for in the nursery and all fell in love with, is now my daughter. It was not what I ever expected but everything I could have hoped for.

Ainsley spent her first 30 days in our nursery. She was loved on, rocked, and loved by all of us nurses. She was one of the babies you just could never forget. What made her situation even more special is that her Daddy stayed by her side the whole time, only leaving maybe 2 or 3 times during those 30 days... We would often kick him out of his room when we were busy, only to have him to go sleep in the waiting room. Not only did we nurses grow to love Ainsley, we all loved Josh as well.

Their situation was not a common one and it's not often you grow attached to a Daddy, as it's usually the baby and Mommy. But we all grew attached and knew that both of them would be special to all of us.

I never dreamed in a million years that one day she would become my daughter and that Josh would be my husband. All I knew is they were special.

Fast forward 3 years...this is the day Josh and I married and I became Ainsley's Mommy!

This sweet girl has brought so much joy and happiness to my life. She is sweet, caring, loving, but with enough spunk and sass to make life fun. She is a beautiful reminder that God works things for the good of those that love Him. She is a reminder of His grace and unconditional love.

I am so proud of the beautiful girl you are becoming and so thankful you are my precious "tootsie"

I can be grouchy, yet you will usually see me smiling.  I may be in a horrible mood, yet want so bad to make you happy.  If I know I have hurt your feelings, I will apologize and still obsess over it for days. You will almost always know what I'm thinking because I can't hide my emotions. I frequently put other needs above my own, yet will have mental and emotional breakdown when I need some ME time.  I love morning time, but only if I can stay snuggled in bed and drink coffee. I lose my keys almost daily, or anything else that's not attached to me.  I am a certified eye-roller and have taught my kids this as well(insert bad parenting moment).  I can be whiny, but am easily annoyed by whiners. I can be lazy, but am one of the hardest workers you've met.  I love a lazy day at home, yet feel guilty if I have one. I love organization yet struggle to stay organized. I hate to be late, but am a certified procrastinator.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and get my feelings hurt very easily, but only because I care about you.  I forgive easily yet this is frequently taken advantage of.  I have ADD but am the best listener as long as there isn't a squirrel. ;)  I thrive on simplicity and find  joy in the natural every day moments.

 I am a hot mess, and a contradicting one at that, but yet a beautiful one all at the same time.  God is shaping me into something beautiful...His grace abounds and covers me and all my flaws.  He is creating in me a pure heart, as I pray for this every day...... He is digging down deep and removing all the impurities and filtering out the nonsense.  He is showing me that His plan for my life is usually not what I had planned, but yet the lessons I learn are invaluable. He is teaching me that every trial, struggle, pain, or disappointment I have gone through has always been a springboard for encouragement for someone else.  He is teaching me that joy comes when you accept who and where you are because you are so safe in His arms.  He is teaching...I am learning...and this is me, a glorious mess.

Peace, Grace, Joy,

Lori

When my son was born...almost 13 years ago, I held a sweet, little bundle of joy. I had so many dreams in my mind of what he would become. Would he play baseball, football, or basketball...or would he be artistic, playing music and singing? I dreamed so many things for him, yet few have been how I envisioned.

My son has always marched to the beat of his own drum...literally! (If you know Nick, you will know what I mean). He has tried soccer, t ball, and basketball. And although he loves basketball, his lack of skill keep him from playing very much.

Sports are just not for him, but oh how it seems to be for most kids his age. I have sat back and watched Nick try so desperately to fit in, even wanting to wear all the sport clothes the "cool" kids wear. He has been bullied because of his size, his constant movement, his tics, and more.

It's so hard to watch your child want to be well liked and accepted...he is rarely ever invited to birthday parties or to friends houses. He just doesn't "fit in". He has friends, but sometimes his definition of friends and mine are two different things.

And although this is hard to watch, I know that God is working something great in his life. Nick will soon learn that popularity means nothing, but people will remember your morals and character. He will soon learn that one day everyone will forget how good you were at a sport, but they will remember your sportsmanship. He will soon learn that his unique personality and unbelievable intelligence(even though the grades don't always show it) are going to take him far in life.

When he was born, I had dreams...but now, I have different dreams. I dream that this sweet, sensitive, boy will change the world with his witty personality and his compassionate heart. I dream that he will be accepting to those who feel unaccepted because he knows what it's like to feel unaccepted. I travel a different path now, but this one is much more beautiful!

How often do you believe the lies? How often do you find yourself feeling inferior in a group of people? How often do you feel like people are believing gossip about you?

It's so easy to get caught up in the lies. In the lies that you aren't smart enough, or pretty, or that you won't accomplish that, or you're a failure....I could go on and on.

One of the hardest things to keep in mind, when our minds are being filled with so much negativity from so many different angles, is to take hold of every thought. Take hold of every negative thought...you know the thoughts, the one that you're not good enough, or your not pretty or smart, or that no one will ever love you...for you!

Satan is good at putting these lies in our heads and hearts, especially when we aren't countering him by filling our minds and hearts with the Word on a daily basis.

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (‭1 Peter‬ ‭5‬:‭8‬ NIV)

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (‭Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭2‬ NIV)

We have to protect our hearts, our minds and our spirit by continuously filling it with God's living word. He wants us to lean on His approval and His love of us! He loves us unconditionally and He thinks we are absolutely beautiful...because He made us. He formed us.

There are so many lies we can get caught up believing, especially women. Women tend to compete with each other and want to tear each other down other than lift up! I'm still trying to figure this one out?

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you."(‭Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭3‬ NIV)

Here is some wonderful scripture when you feel hurt, worthless, ugly, or that you can't measure up. Guess what? You don't have to measure up on anyone's scale... God loves you, accepts you, cheers you on, and wants everything good for you! So stop believing the lies...and start believing Him💕

Lies we believe:

I'm worthless: Psalm 139:13-14

My sin is too big, God can't forgive me: 1John 1:9, Romans 8:38-39

I don't have anything to offer: 1 Corinthians 12:4-7

God isn't with me: Deuteronomy 31:6

No one understands what I'm going through: 1 Corinthians 10:13

I can't do this anymore: 1 Corinthians 10:13, Phillipians 4:13

Peace, Grace, Joy,

Lori

                                               

Shew..how hard is that? To just be still...to just sit and let God work? To rest in his presence and know that he is moving and working all things for our good.

For some reason, God is continuously placing this verse on my mind....

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” (‭Psalm‬ ‭46‬:‭10‬ NIV)

I confess that I am one who is continuously trying to "do it myself". . I am so guilty of trying to handle things on my own, thinking I am strong, and I've got this! I tend to try to rely on my own resources and abities without giving credit to the ONE who gave me these abilities. Maybe this is why I'm continuously being reminded of this scripture. It's to remind me that doing "my part" is necessary but apart from Him it is fruitless.

I am being reminded to lean on him, to sit and rest in His presence, to let Him carry me when I feel so weak. The days that I feel most exhausted and drained are the same days that I have not sought his presence, haven't sat and rested in it, and haven't let Him just carry me!

Sometimes we need to sit and just rest, let Him work, let him carry us, and let Him take care of the details. He always works everything for our good...but we have to LET Him. When we are constantly trying to do things on our own, we can easily miss what He is trying to do, what He is trying to teach us, and where He is leading us.

He leads me...but I have to follow and I have to continuously learn to just Be Still!

He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. (‭Psalm‬ ‭23‬:‭2-3‬ NIV)